I’m rereading the Imager books, and I’m reminded of a recurring experience by most of your main characters. Their situations require that they kill people (sometimes A LOT of people), and yet they never seem terribly bothered by it other than some occasional regret. Quaeryt is certainly driven into at least a month of madness at killing many 10’s of thousands but not so much after “only” 10 thousand troops, and Lorne feels guilty about a single innocent. I have a harder time understanding how a portraitist like Renn can become a cold-hearted killer in less than a year after an earlier lifetime devoid of violence. Is the mark of a hero the ability to avoid PTSD or significant guilt from the body count they amass? Or is it the necessity of the plot moving on? Curious what your view is on this. Thank you!
People are different. A single brutal incident is enough to create PTSD in some. Killing doesn’t seem to bother others in the slightest. From my experience and observation, most people lie somewhere in between. Also, I’m convinced that the circumstances make a difference, and the closer and more “personal” the killing is, the greater the emotional impact. Also, I tend to write more from the viewpoint of the “defender” than the conqueror, possibly because I tend to believe that killing in self-defense or defense against raiders or attackers exacts less of a price. And, from a practical viewpoint, I’d rather not write a military story where the main character is effectively reduced to mental rubble by killing. Instead, my characters vary, ranging from those less impacted to those more so, but over time, there’s a definite impact.
One of the main themes of most every book is that (in all the worlds) killing is sometimes necessary for survival, and that not killing would bring worse personal and societal consequences. Killing is done after much consideration, searching for other solutions, remembering why it is necessary to do, remembering the consequences not acting will bring, etc. No matter the necessity, it always leaves a negative imprint, and no balanced, moral person enjoys it.